According to RAINN, ( https://www.rainn.org/) more than 1 million teenagers are assaulted each year. 90% of them by someone they already know. There are roles that teachers can play and roles that parents can play. Parents need to allow and encourage their children to seek out teachers they trust to talk to issues that students need guidance on. In this day and age, teachers are told that there are off-limits topics that you can talk about and advise students on. These issues are a part of everyday life for teenagers. Parents believe that teachers will encourage students to act against their parental values. If there is open dialogue, then this will be successful. Scaring teachers into ignoring the issues of today’s youth will not help make school a safe place and reduce the occurrence of traumatic issues in schools. The truth is that adolescents do not always feel comfortable asking questions of parents. A Teacher always asks, “Can you talk to your parents?” The answer is always, no. If they are coming to a teacher that means they do not trust any other adult in their life. Read our article about Adverse Childhood Experiences for ways you can support your school in making it a safer place for children.

Girls and Sexual Situations

The first thing I want to address in this article is how to help teenagers set boudaries that will reduce the chance of date rape. Talk to your daughters about these. It happens to both males and females, but most rapes still overwhelmingly happen to females. They need to be prepped starting about age 11-12, depending on how much sexual content they are raised being exposed to, it could be younger.

1. Be definite in the refusal, say “No,” while looking in the eye
2. Stay away from isolated spots, especially with a person of the opposite sex.
3. Avoid driving/riding with a stranger
4. Young people need to be taught how to listen to their intuition and read vibes
5. Don’t lie about having a boyfriend or girlfriend, say that you are not interested in interactions with them
6. Avoid having out with people that you have broken up with
7. Don’t take nude or semi nude photos of yourself and send them to anyone, including the person you are dating
8. Date in a group and not individually until you feel you know the person well enough.
9. Let them know on the first date your sexual intentions
10. You are allowed to say no at any time, even if you are already kissing. Push them away, look them in the eye and say, “No, if you go any further, I will press charges for Rape.”
11. Do not let your drink out of your sight. Make sure you see it being poured from a sealed container into your glass.
12. Also, teach women that getting intoxicated only puts them in a vulnerable spot. Alcohol changes their personality as well and makes them more permissive. Whereas, they would definitely not take the same things sober as they do intoxicated. They also are more than likely to become a victim of sexual assault after passing out due to intoxication. Public intoxication is seen as a right of passage for teenagers but girls need to be aware that rape is not a right of passage for them.

Sexual Coercion

Sexual coercion has morphed in today’s technological world. As a high school teacher, I see boys watching pornography at school, on their phones. This leads girls to thinking that behavior is normal and boys can easily convince girls of that.  One experience I had with a student is that the female student was dating a boy and he was showing her this porn at school and asking her if she would like that. She did not know what to say so she asked me. This is why letting teachers speak frankly with teens is super important. I helped her find the words to say no and set her boundaries. We actually practiced what to say. She came back to me and said that it worked and thanked me.

If you are not comfortable with your kids talking to their teachers about things like this, then start in childhood. Locate 2 non-parenting (non-family preferably) adults and encourage your child to talk to these 2 adults. These are adults that you trust and know have the best interests of the child in mind. Kids do not tell everything to their parents. This is a fact. The earlier to come to realize this, the better off your child will be equipped to deal with all of the struggles of life. They will have at least 4 consistent adults to get advice from throughout their lives.

Boys and Sexual Situations

As a high school teacher, these are behaviors that I have witnessed and heard about year after year. I have heard sexual harassment and assault spill over into the classroom. This is not a personal matter when it comes to teenagers in public schools. You can be held accountable for what you do off campus-after school. Parents, talk to your boys about the proper conduct in regards to female interaction.

1. Boys should be taught not to rate girls based on looks. 
2. They should be taught that girls are not sexual objects.
3. Boys should not brag about sexual conquests to anyone, not to be confused with asking for advice.
4. Do not offer girls alcohol to lower their boundaries or warm them up.
5. Do not expect that how a girl dresses speaks anything about her personal life
6. Boys should talk with the girls about what is expected with dating them. This allows both parties to seek what makes them comfortable.
7. Do not try to convince or promise something you cannot deliver to get sex.

Talking to your kids about these things is not accusing them of anything. It is setting the tone and expectation so that they do not follow what they see online and get themselves into situations that are illegal.

Citations and sources

Cowan, Gloria, and Robin R. Campbell. “Rape Causal Attitudes among Adolescents.” The Journal of Sex Research, vol. 32, no. 2, 1995, pp. 145–53. JSTOR, http://www.jstor.org/stable/3812966. Accessed 19 Dec. 2023.

Page, R. M. (1996). Helping Adolescents Avoid Date Rape: The Role of Secondary Education. The High School Journal, 80(2), 75–80. http://www.jstor.org/stable/40364727

PASCOE, C. J., and JOCELYN A. HOLLANDER. “GOOD GUYS DON’T RAPE: Gender, Domination, and Mobilizing Rape.” Gender and Society, vol. 30, no. 1, 2016, pp. 67–79. JSTOR, http://www.jstor.org/stable/24756165. Accessed 19 Dec. 2023.

Victims of sexual violence: Statistics. RAINN. (n.d.). https://www.rainn.org/statistics/victims-sexual-violence 

Keywords: Teenage problems, Sexual assault, harrassment, classroom behavior issues, sex education