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I am not a psychiatrist but since this blog is from the perspective of an experienced teacher and researcher. This blog may be hurtful for some people. It is not my intention. It is meant to help guide you to be the best parent you can be and to serve as an expert in education. Remember, learning is a process of self-evaluation and trial and error.
Researchers have studied the types of parenting styles. There are differing names, but they all lend to the same ideas. There are some things that parents can do that harm their children unknowingly. Just because your parents raised you that way, does not mean it is the right thing to do. The 4 types discussed in this article will be: Authoritarian, Authoritative, Permissive, and Uninvolved parenting styles. There is no guidance here about the right type of parenting. Although, I will discuss the approaches that I have seen work best in a school setting. The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP), recommends an authoritative approach. From my perspective, you can be more than one of these without thinking about it. You can be Authoritative today and Uninvolved tomorrow. Parents should always keep consistency in their parenting style in order to create a safe and stable home for children.
Authoritarian Parents
I started with this one because my grandmother raised me and she had this style. Kids should be seen and not heard. Kids were to stay outside all day, until dark. When a child asks you “why” you respond, “because I said so.” This response should be an explanation of some sort or a simple, “I do not know”. Every time you respond to your kid, you are teaching them social skills. Do you hear how your child feels about changes in their life or the way things are run around the house? The “my way or the highway” mentality is outdated and research has shown this causes low self esteem and anger. If you often wonder why your kid lies a lot, it may be because you have an authoritarian style of parenting. Your response to their feelings teaches them to hide things over time. This isn’t the same as setting strict expectations though. You can have strict expectations and explain to your child why it needs to be this way. “Mom gets headaches really easily, or mom feels really exhausted after work, so can I hear this later?” Always be honest and then schedule another time to hear what they have to say. These students are usually the ones that become bullies at school. They usually do not give the teacher any problems but this does not mean they are happy nor well-adjusted. You start to see the change in behavior when you give the child feedback on their work. They are not usually open to feedback. They get angry and want to argue with you about their grade.
Authoritative Parents
Authoritative parents put a lot of effort into creating and maintaining a positive relationship with the child. They foster that positive feeling when negative outcomes cross their path.If you have a rule, you need to explain to the child why it exists and why rules are important to follow. In my classroom, I would always explain to students why we had every rule. Some of my expectations were because it was conducive to learning and some were because we had one too many irresponsible people in the class. They understood that.. Authoritative parents set limits, enforce rules, and give consequences but also pay attention to how the child is feeling in reaction to the consequences. Are the consequences meeting your objective for choosing that particular punishment? If not, then change it. These students are well adjusted, but these are the fewest students we have in our class. You can tell when you give them feedback because theta re open to it and are comfortable with not knowing what to expect.
Permissive Parents
I have seen permissive parents set boundaries and expectations but there are no consequences for them. This attitude of “kids will be kids and push my boundaries” is not effective in raising academically strong students. In fact, research shows that children of permissive parents are the ones who struggle academically. Children of permissive parents are more likely to struggle with obesity, teeth issues and sleep issues because they have little structure. Many times this is because there is no parent there to enforce these guidelines. You set guidelines, but there is no way to enforce them.
Uninvolved Parents
Children with uninvolved parents fare worse from what I have seen. The parents don’t call you back when you call them. They lash out at the kid when the teacher calls, “tell your teacher not to call me again.” These students are either very out of control in the classroom or have very low self esteem and will not talk to you. Either way, when the parent is uninvolved, it takes time for the teacher to connect with the student. By the time they get into high school, the out of control ones, they have already disconnected to the point they don’t care who cares anymore. These are the ones that are the most bullied at school.
Sources and other Research to consider:
Aunola, K., & Nurmi, J.-E. (2005). The Role of Parenting Styles in Children’s Problem Behavior. Child Development, 76(6), 1144–1159. http://www.jstor.org/stable/3696624
Carter, D., & Welch, D. (1981). Parenting Styles and Children’s Behavior. Family Relations, 30(2), 191–195. https://doi.org/10.2307/584130
Dornbusch, S. M., Ritter, P. L., Leiderman, P. H., Roberts, D. F., & Fraleigh, M. J. (1987). The Relation of Parenting Style to Adolescent School Performance. Child Development, 58(5), 1244–1257. https://doi.org/10.2307/1130618
Esteinou, R., Vázquez-Arana, A., & Martinez-Guerrero, E. (2020). Adolescent Autonomy Satisfaction and Parental Support to Autonomy in Mexico. Journal of Comparative Family Studies, 51(2), 188–216. https://www.jstor.org/stable/26976643
Ishak, Z., Low, S. F., & Lau, P. L. (2012). Parenting Style as a Moderator for Students’ Academic Achievement. Journal of Science Education and Technology, 21(4), 487–493. http://www.jstor.org/stable/41674476
Newman, J., Gozu, H., Guan, S., Lee, J. E., Li, X., & Sasaki, Y. (2015). Relationship between Maternal Parenting Style and High School Achievement and Self-Esteem in China, Turkey and U.S.A. Journal of Comparative Family Studies, 46(2), 265–288. http://www.jstor.org/stable/43613115
Types of Parenting Styles and Effects On Children
Terrence Sanvictores; Magda D. Mendez.